I remember having a conversation with someone when I was closing out my job as a regional director of Human Resources that went something like this...
"Danny", they said, "I'm really sad that this is probably the last time we will ever talk. I always get a lot out of our conversations and I'm going to miss talking to you."
My response went something like this... "You know... if we mean to talk... we'll talk!" Needless to say, we haven't spoken in nearly two years.
I'm not super good at superficial and shallow conversation. I don't talk about the weather very well. Once I exchange pleasantries with someone, I can get to real talk really quickly... which can make things really awkward if the other person's not ready for it. And I can tell if someone is going to be my friend by their willingness to go there with me... to engage in something more than "How's your momma 'n 'em". And if they're not, they usually just shake their head one way or the other... in agreement or disapproval... and then we bid our farewells by way of "so good to see you"... or "you take care, now." And that's fine.
I can make small talk. I just don't too much care to. When I go to "find my friends", I want to find the people who want to do real life with real joy and real pain and real relationships where we can share the tough stuff while we also talk about the times we embarrassed ourselves... really badly. I want the kind of friends with whom I can be my real self without the fear they will think less of me. I also want the kind of friends who will lift me up and hold me accountable to help me be more than I currently am. These kinds of friends are kind of hard to find. I only have a few... but I know a few is all I need. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 reminds me of the value of friends like these...
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
All I'm trying to say is...
Surface-level small talk on social networking is fine... I guess... but it won't fill the need we have for deep connection. If anything, it can sometimes make us feel even more alone. We have a desire to be known more than to build a network and being in a crowd can actually make you more aware of your isolation. Find your friends who will let you share how you feel without it shattering their expectations of who they think you should be. Find your friends who will pick you up when you fall and point you toward a better tomorrow. Be a friend who will get his hands dirty and his brow sweaty... who will laugh at inappropriate moments and cry when only tears will do. Find your friends. Real friends.
Because real life is hard to do all by yourself.
"A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24
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