I listened in on a call yesterday, during my drive from one farm to another, of a young woman who had recently lost her nine-month-old daughter to leukemia. That was seven months ago (at the time of the call) and at that moment, she was four months pregnant and had, that week, learned she was to have a baby boy. Her reason for calling was about how to not try and replace the child she lost with the one that was on its way... and how to not hold her breath for the rest of her pregnancy for fear that her new baby would have something catastrophically wrong with him, too. I cried like a baby as I listened and it reminded me a little of how my wife and I felt when our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and how, with the next one, every time something felt a little similar to the first, we would begin to worry. The call was about how to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time and it reminded me of some talks I had with my daughter over her winter break.
I'm learning a lot about this balance... grief and gratitude... from this girl. While working on a project together, we discussed both emotions and how I instinctively wanted to put them in separate boxes... different sides of the same coin, if you will. When you flip a coin, only one side could face upward, meaning... the one face-down represented the emotion you couldn't express if you let the other one show. She reminded me, though, that grief and gratitude aren't emotions that must be exchanged, one for the other, but must be learned to be held together. One in one hand... one in the other... with both hands connected to the same heart. You can grieve the loss of something and, at the same time, learn to be grateful for the life that has grown out of the grief. And while I'm on the topic of grief (which some would say is the opposite of happiness), I think back to my very last post of last year (last week)...
If "Happy" is what happens when your dreams come true, empathy is often what emerges when your world comes crashing down around you and you face difficulties you aren't sure you can endure. Once the dust settles and you are able to recalibrate your settings to a new world after living through something that changed you, you live with an understanding you didn't have before. You feel another's pain without them having to describe it to you. You have lived it. And you have lived through it. And hopefully you are able to hold their hand and give them hope that there is life and joy and peace on the other side. So as you forge ahead into crushing your goals for the new year...
Don't forget to take time to sit with someone who might not be finding the same success as you in this moment. Don't run so quickly past that person for fear they will slow you down. We all face difficulties, at times, and we all need reminders of His grace and goodness. While both gratitude and grief might seem opposite ends of the emotion spectrum, one is common to the human experience while one must be cultivated through a willingness and aptitude to see beyond the pain... to look for the good that can grow in spite of the grief. We will feel grief at some point in our lives but it is our choice as to whether or not we find gratitude. Grief will find you. Gratitude must be sought. Learn to hold them both together and live as one who is willing to share their hope with others.
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." - Hebrews 6:19
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